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A few weeks back, I was in a bar in an airport waiting for my flight. I wanted to call Mrs. shmike. I'd have used my work phone but my personal phone would be free. I decided to use my bluetooth headset but since it was new, I hadn't paired it with my personal phone yet.
So I put my phone in acquire mode. And then I had to laugh. About a dozen bluetooth devices popped up in range. That's when it clicked that I wasn't the only business traveler at that bar. |
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I didn't do it.
Anathea, tell me, who opened up the cake container. Did you?
I didn't do it.
Anathea....did you get into the cake?
It was a leprechaun.
(I try very hard not to laugh. I fail as I look up and see Mrs. shmike giggling across the room. Anathea sees me and laughs.)
Anathea, leprechauns are make believe-
-and sneaky!
(Again, I try hard. Again I am thwarted by Mrs. shmike doubled over laughing.) |
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I recently commented on how hard my job is - and it still very much is.
But I realized some things recently. I get to meet with all sorts of interesting people doing interesting things. At the beginning of most meetings, I suddenly get worried that I'm not cool enough. I get to meet folks who run Health Payer organizations, folks who run police fusion centers (where they try to marry up info from all law enforcement and intelligence), and the other day folks who building a system to manage logistics for ballistic missile submarines.
It's just a neato sort of perspective. |
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Never before in my life have I been in a role that was as tough as my current one.
I am a consummate procrastinator and time waster - witness this post. I am finding that every time I pause in what I'm doing to waste time, immediately a whole bunch of pressing stuff fills my head and I have to rush to do those.
And the role is hard. When I'd interviewed for a similar role a few years back and turned it down, the manager at the time commented, in an attempt to get me to change my mind, "I'm offering you tickets to the big leagues" or something to that effect. Wow he wasn't kidding.
I think I'll do ok in the end, but wow. |
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Arack Bobama has a new present. |
| » Delightful and Decadent |
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Mrs. shmike takes such good care of me.
Last night, I went out grocery shopping. I got yelled at for taking too long. I had been led to believe that we were having fried chicked for dinner but arrived home to find rice cooking. I was confused and decided I'd eat whatever.
Well Mrs. shmike made a simple dinner of leftover turkey sausage, freezer burned peas, onions and a few mushrooms. As I ate it, I kept thinking to myself it was delightful. It just made me happy - simple, yummy family food. I couldn't stop eating it.
Today was a day to cook some food for the rest of the week. Mrs. shmike made us all pot roast for dinner and some pork soup she'd found a recipe for. There's something about pot roast with a large chunk of chuck cooked for 6 hours in wine that was created to be enjoyed with beef (check out Angus the Bull, an australian wine made by a scot). It was everything you expect pot roast to be, with the carrots and potatos.
Then I took bread and dipped it in the juices. A lot. It was absolutely decadent. So good!
The soup, for later in the week, was also good. I couldn't stop eating it.
I live a very good life.
Jan. 25th, 2009 @ 08:20 pm
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| » Tempted |
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I'm tempted to post a few dozen times to move Rebeccavich's non-word-wrapping post down my list for less horizontal scrolling action...
Nov. 10th, 2008 @ 10:40 pm
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| » [Cross-Post from Fi-uh] Political Musings |
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For many years now I have been frustrated by the Republicans. I find that my views of the world are more consistent with the general Conservative viewpoint about the proper way for the US governments to work. The problem is that since Gingrich, the only coherent groups within the Republican party have been the Evangelicals and the Neocons. The issues that are important to the Evangelicals are very important to me and we disagree fundamentally. For a while, the Neocon perspective was attractive, but it's turned out to be more or less wrong. Perhaps I should have seen that sooner given that its real world success relies so heavily on many of the factors that make Liberalism such a failed philosophy.
But I voted for Obama so enthusiastically. As far as I can tell, his philosophies are dyed in the wool liberal. He believes the fundamental role of government is to effect social and economic justice through its ability to tax and write and enforce law.
The reason for my enthusiasm was that I view him as an effective leader, one who can inspire and effectively set a positive vision of the future around which hundreds of million very different people can rally. As a nation, in many ways we have lost our sense of what we are all about, why it's cool to be us. We're struggling through two wars. The world esteems us less. Our economic might is humbled by our regulatory bumbling. And people are suffering. We have no meaningful goals or sense of what we should look like in the future. Obama gives me some hope and some pride. As Jim Cramer observed the other day, with Obama going to the White House, it's almost cool to work in government again.
It helps that Obama shares many of my views, or so I believe, on things like how to talk softly and carry a big stick, on civil rights, on government transparency. These are many of the things that I see as most important in a president. After all, signing statements notwithstanding, the president doesn't legislate. But I digress...
Obama's strong leadership though is also a cause for concern. Sure he's like Reagan. But whereas Reagan wanted less government, Obama wants more. Reagan's success wouldn't have grown government whereas Obama's will. I think Obama is a good guy, but bigger government itself is necessarily an assault on liberty and I know nothing of the characters of those who will follow him. I toss in that caveat because we should be aware of it and appropriately vigilant.
My support of Obama is the support of a leader who can set a legitimate vision and begin moving our country in a positive direction, even one with which I disagree.
I would though have liked to have had the chance to vote for an alternative who better represented my views.
So much of Republicanism has been reduced to lampooning a) radical theology and b) anyone who'd found a way to build some wealth for themselves and their families. There are significant ideas that are part of Conservatism and part of the Republican party that are not ignorant, foolish, intrinsically offensive or otherwise unworthy of exploration and discussion. Would that someone of stature and accomplishment could emerge to rebuild some passion for those ideas and for America.
I'm not an idealogue. I'm not absolutist in my thinking nor do I need intellectual purity in an idea. The world, people in it and politics are diverse and messy. Ideological purity wouldn't get me much.
Why is it such an offensive thought that good governments should be restrained by law and by the biases of politicians? We often agree that civil liberties are crucial to what we hold dear. For some it's being gay, for others it's privacy, for others it's freedom to worship (or from worship). We intuit that the government should keep out of our affairs and protect us from those who would violate our liberty (including the government itself). Why then am I likely to be branded fascist for suggesting that government should stick to its assigned role and not decide for me the best way to utilize what is mine? I hold that our leaders should have a bias for staying the hell out of our business except where there exists some imperative to do otherwise. I want to see someone who constantly strives to shrink the role of government, adding to it only reluctantly and as temporarily as possible to solve our greatest problems.
Why is it such a horrible idea to suppose that we should have a powerful military, a powerful state department and a powerful apparatus of defense in general? This isn't to suggest we use it as clumsily and foolishly as we have of late. It is to say that our relative power is important and in the interests of our citizens. I want someone who builds us a strong, advanced military which backs up a distinguished, accomplished, effective foreign policy.
Why am I a horrible person for believing that it is ok for there to be haves and have nots in the world? What is so defective about the trust in human nature that the have nots will want to have and will, through their industry and genius, create something not only for themselves but for others in the process? And if that is not so offensive, why would we not want to work as hard as possible to to protect the fruits of those labors so as to keep intact the rewards for risk that incent the whole system forward? I want our government to tax fairly and simply in ways that reward that industry, not punish it.
What is so inadequate about celebrating our differences and fiercely protecting the liberties of every one without compelling everyone to work toward erasing the signs of those differences? I want a leader free of prejudice either for or against anyone in particular.
Why is it wrong to speak of pride in being American? Despite how spectacularly we've fumbled the ball in our national recent past, we're still the team to beat. Much of the rest of the world still wants to wind up here. And when they get here, they create the next great generation time and again. Greatness should be our goal. We should have the strongest, most resilient economy, military, wealth and culture. This isn't something to be shunned as gauche or indicative of an insensitivity to all that remains to be accomplished. I want to see us living the inscription on the Statue of Liberty with leaders whose pride in the United States knows no bounds.
I think we're better off if our leaders work to inspire us to greatness. I think we benefit when they lead by example, not compulsion. Ours is a better nation when they strive to keep government off our backs as they carry out their duty to protect us from assaults on our land, person or liberty while protecting the weakest among us.
I would love to have seen a Republican get up and talk to me about these things and to have inspired me as much as Obama has.
Maybe someday.
Nov. 9th, 2008 @ 12:39 pm
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| » Tonight is a good night |
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I am always proud to be an American. Tonight I am especially so.
Nov. 4th, 2008 @ 11:25 pm
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| » Thought I was past this |
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Anathea and Phoebe were a bit sick last night, presumably some random cold that we've observed other kids at daycare sharing. I actually hadn't noticed it much before they went to bed. Anyway, Anathea woke up coughing an ugly, painful sounding cough. She has a reactive airway (asthma she might well grow out of) so we tend to treat coughs with any semblance of wheeze with albuterol.
Remember this.
Since then, I have had what looks an awful lot like PTSD. Whenever Anathea has any breathing issues or coughing issues, I get all bent out of shape. I get obsessive and my ability to reason objectively about what is ailing her goes right the hell out the window. When Mrs. shmike points out how ridiculous I'm being, I feel like Mr. Monk on the tv show saying, "you're probably right." I'm cognitively aware of my broken worldview but powerless to alter it.
Over the past 8-12 months, I've started to get better in this regard. I was actually telling people I was over that nonsense. Last night though, I started freaking out when she was coughing. I fumbled with her nebulizer. I frantically searched for pants in case I had to make an ER run. I listened obsessively to every breath sound I could hear.
Turns out I'm still nuts.
Anyway. She insisted on going to daycare today although we though she sounded awful. No fever. No GI.
Oct. 24th, 2008 @ 08:34 am
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| » Recent Amex Commercials |
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Amex has lately been running some commercials that depict someone conducting some business related transaction. In all of them, when the person attempts to pay with a non-Amex, non-Business card, whatever business transaction was happening falls apart.
I love these ads. They do a fantastic job of creating fear where there absolutely should be none. In all of them, the person who gets screwed never has a chance to plead his or her case. So the natural cognitive reaction that the premise of the ads is absurd is completely circumvented.
I would LOVE to know what sort of effect this has had on small businesses getting Amex cards.
Oct. 22nd, 2008 @ 11:38 pm
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| » New Job |
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I've intended to write about this for quite a while but, well, I haven't.
Now I don't feel like writing about it for some reason, despite wanting to communicate many of my thoughts on it. Here are the highlights.
I spoke with my mentor, BP, back in July about next steps in my career. He advised a few things and then suggested that I should talk to KP who a) used to work for him b) runs sales for our segment worldwide. I talked to KP about how I was trying to decide between sales management and marketing management. He offered to hook me up with our segment's marketing VP if I wanted the latter. If I wanted the former, he told me I need to "carry a bag" for a while if I want to manage in his organization. In other words, I need to be a direct sales rep for a while. He said he was selfish and wanted to keep me in his org, that we'd probably be looking at 12-18 months as a rep then look to find a management position.
I told him I wanted sales management. He reached out to our Americas VP, GM, and the local New England sales manager, JS. I soon spoke to JS who was interested. JS then had me talk to another guy and said the next step would be to talk to his (JS') boss. This took FOREVER. And then it took similarly forever after that to actually get it done. But it is. I'm now a direct rep for our segment covering a territory (details to be determined soon) in New England.
I'm pretty excited about it. I'm also pretty nervous. Just a tough gig. I'm confident, but respectfully scared.
What was so tough was the vague status I found myself in for months. It was infuriating, distracting and frustrating. But I'd gone down a path and I had to play it out. So I was as patient as possible (second guessing everything I was saying and doing) and let it play out.
As someone said about a similar job I turned down two and a half years ago, this is the big leagues. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Oct. 20th, 2008 @ 10:45 pm
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| » Rituals |
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Mrs. shmike is pretty sick today. She's normally up around 6 and heading out the door just after 7.
I woke up this morning at about 7:15 and discovered her still in bed. She had called in sick to work, something she typically violently objects to doing. She asked me to take the kids to daycare. (She didn't need to ask.)
Generally she wakes up earlier than I do (and goes to bed earlier). She also takes the girls to daycare because daycare is minutes from her work. So naturally, she typically gets them out the door.
So much of this daily activity is highly ritualized. There's picking out the clothes for Anathea, finding clothes for Phoebe, making Anathea's breakfast, redirecting her to do things like put on her shoes. The bottles need to be gathered up and Thea's lunch needs to be put in her lunch bag. When they get to daycare, Anathea needs to go with Phoebe into the infant room before going to her preschool room. The infant room daily form needs to be filled out and the bottles put in the fridge. Anathea's stuff needs to go into her cubby.
What I realized this morning is that I am an outsider to these rituals. I spent forever trying to find clothes for Thea and Phoebe for no reason other than Mrs. shmike just knows where they are (laundry, basket, floor) and knows, without first having to examine them, what each item is and whether it fits. Mrs. shmike knows intuitively what needs to be packed up each morning. I have to think it through carefully - and slowly. She knows where everything is in the infant room and what they expect of her. I have to bumble in and ask a million stupid questions.
Rituals provide so much order to otherwise chaotic lives. They're comforting. They ease social interaction. They smooth the rough spots.
Do our rituals define us? Or do the other things in our lives define us?
Oct. 7th, 2008 @ 09:46 am
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| » Necks are fragile |
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Great soccer game this afternoon. Finally we won a match.
The game was physical with lots of shoulder tackles and pushing and shoving. I was as guilty as the next guy in that regard. Hey, I'm old, fat and slow - I gotta do what I gotta do to stay with some of these guys.
Anyway, very near the end of the match, I got the ball at my feet with one guy to beat. I got a half step on him and thought I was gonna make a nice play. But he did just the right thing in that situation. He shoulder checked me off the ball. He hit me just right and sent me flying.
I then managed to hit the ground wrong. Essentially, I rolled up on my chest with my feet pulling up. It wasn't the hardest hit but I felt my spine, up near and into my neck, crackle in a half dozen places.
I laid on the pitch for a moment before calling for a sub. There wasn't much pain at all. But I was actually disoriented when I first tried to get up. Then I noticed my fingers were tingling.
All in all, it was a complete non-injury. I was quickly fine and have had no issues. But I'm writing about it because that crackle and subsequent tingling has bothered me a bit all day. For just an instant, I was genuinely scared that I'd broken my neck. I realized just as it happened, that I was utterly vulnerable.
Weird.
Oct. 5th, 2008 @ 10:22 pm
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| » Politics and Parenthood |
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I find being a parent is pretty hard. Overall, I hope I'm doing ok, but I have my doubts.
One thing I struggle mightily with is tolerance of minor stuff. Little kids exist to test limits. They're constantly breaking the very sensible, reasonable rules you provide them with. Lots of stuff is irrelevant but much of it is safety related. In general, you've got to ignore this behavior. It's meaningless in the grand scheme really. And punishment tends to just lead to more punishment and frustration for dad and kid.
For some reason this popped into my head the other day as I was contemplating things like political parties, talk radio, talking points, elections, etc. It struck me that we seem to have reached a point where its just normal to villify those who disagree. As I thought about it more, I realized that it probably wasn't always this way.
But how do you go from tolerant and laid back to a perpetual state of hair trgger alert? Then I decided that it was probably not unlike what I've experienced as a parent. In my mind, I decide to draw some arbitrary line in the sand about some issue. As that line gets crossed, I keep upping the stakes until that's my relationship with my kids.
I have many strong opinions and I'm vocal about them. But in my heart of hearts, I'm pretty laid back and tolerant. There's so much for me to learn about the world and at the end of the day, it's the people in it that matter to me. And there's why I have always loved Alpha Theta. Since I've known the place, there has been no shortage of debate, difference of opinion, even crisis. But nearly always, I have felt we were Alpha Thetians first (even long after we left). We've accepted crackpots like me of every persuasion and have always found a way to get along without anyone needing to compromise much of her individuality. Given what I routinely witness between people in the world today, that's no small feat.
Speaking of parenthood, I just spent a wonderful evening with Anathea. We went out to the Revolution game at Gillette Stadium.
Oct. 4th, 2008 @ 11:38 pm
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| » Weird |
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I think I might have just set in motion a significant career move. Strangely, I'm not sure. Executives move in mysterious ways. Be careful what you ask for...
Jul. 11th, 2008 @ 11:17 pm
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| » Type O Negative |
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I'm popular. Well ok, I'm not. But my blood is. You reading this, with few exceptions, my blood is compatible with your immune system.
I gave blood today. You have to be nice to me. At least that's what my sticker says.
Anyway, giving blood is good. Do it if you don't already. But that's not why I'm posting.
I'm actually posting to warn you about a terrible hazard of giving blood that I've never encountered before in the years I've been donating. It would appear the bandaids that they're using now truly adhere to your skin. I'm old school about bandaid removal. You just yank it off fast.
Well. These new bandaids don't quite work that way. I ripped and it was painful but didn't completely come off. So I grabbed hold and pulled it the rest of the way. The rest of the way was over the soft, thin skin on the inside of my elbow. Much of that skin is no longer there.
Fucking A that hurt. Still does.
Jul. 9th, 2008 @ 08:22 pm
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| » Thoughts on a wedding |
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I went to bed tonight, but was unable to sleep.
Today, my cousin Joey got married. Actually, as I understand it, he was married a few weeks ago to facilitate his Czech wife's visa. Today was the church and reception.
At first, I wasn't going to attend since Mrs. shmike couldn't go, what with a newborn and all. My sister declined as she just wasn't interested. I decided though that I hadn't seen my extended family in some time and wanted to go. So I did.
I knew they were aiming for a small event. Only 50 people were invited. What struck me when I entered the church was the composition of the guests. My family's affairs had always throughout my life been quite large. Lots of relatives, friends of the family, etc. I realized how many of our relatives have passed on and how many have decided they have no use for the family. Most notably absent was my grandmother whose health is failing. Many of the guests were friends of the groom's father. Even the bride and groom seemed to have few friends in attendance. The gathering was sedate.
Joey is the youngest of four children - my father's brother's kids. We grew up across the street from each other. The rest of the family was less than a mile away. So much of my youth was spent with them. It follows then that much of my identity is entangled with theirs.
There are two things that make that engtanglement difficult to come to terms with. First of all, my life has moved on. We all grew up in Haverhill, MA. It's an old, old city with lots of history and long term residents. It has its own peculiar character. After high school, I went to Dartmouth. Not too long after, I joined Alpha Theta where my worldview changed (more than once). I discovered a much larger world and many people who were a hell of a lot more like I was than my family was. It was an overly long experience, but suffice to say, I didn't move back to Haverhill.
I married a girl of as fundamentally different of a background as possible. We have kids together. We live far away and I work in a very different industry than people in my family have ever worked. I have different values and different politics. Lots of time has gone by. My family and my hometown do not hold the same claim on my wife's heart. I am a different person.
As is made clear in both direct and subtle ways every time I go to Haverhill, I am loved and missed. But honesty requires me to admit that I've moved on. But every time I return, a small, typically dormant part of my identity stirs and grabs hold of me....or I grab hold of it.
The other difficulty instigated by this entanglement is the fact that many of the people in my family are horribly flawed human beings. We're all remarkably flawed. I'm not sure that it's my place to declare them so much worse than everyone else, but the argument is easy to make. I won't inventory their shortcomings here. Suffice to say that there is disturbing greed, pathological deception and shallowness of character. All of these are to despicable degree.
And yet, I love many of these people. I seek their approval. I seek their love. I desire relationships with them. I miss them. I trust them - perhaps as an addict trusts his dealer.
My youth is gone. I can't have it back. To believe otherwise, to try even is a sad game for fools. Yet the truth of who I am now contains that youth. And every time I go home...
I don't mean to wallow. These thoughts were just keeping me awake. I want someone to understand.
Jun. 29th, 2008 @ 12:02 am
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| » From the mouths of babes |
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"Anathea, tell mama that you have to learn to follow before you can lead."
"Mama, you have to leave!"
May. 1st, 2008 @ 05:51 pm
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| » First Game |
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Today was our first soccer game of the season. Lots of new faces. We lost 3-2 but it was just fun to get out there and run around.
All three goals involved defensive miscues. I failed to clear one ball in time. Another time the keeper miscommunicated with the defender - calling for the ball when he shouldn't have. Another involved someone just mishandling the ball.
I'm good and sore, but just so happy I got out to play.
Apr. 27th, 2008 @ 12:22 pm
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